Life (and Lack Thereof) of a Modern Housemommy

One women's journey of self-discovery AFTER love, marriage and the baby carriage…

Breaking the Rules November 10, 2010

Filed under: Discovery — housemommy @ 2:57 pm

I was driving home from Target today thinking about my blog and feeling crappy about myself.  As you all well know, I have a master’s degree in Breaking the Promises I Make to Myself with a concentration in Shame, Guilt and Procrastination.  I don’t remember the last time I wrote an entry here, and I was feeling bad about it.  Especially since I had already made myself  a goal to write at least once a week for six months.   

Yeah that didn’t work out so well…

I would forget, or put it off, or find something better to do during my very limited free time (like nap…or shower).  Whatever the excuse though, I had been putting off writing for several weeks, and it pissed me off.

I never do the things I say I’m going to do.

You know what though?  I’ve decided it’s ok.  I’m allowed to break promises to myself.  I’m allowed to take a nap if I want to.  It’s not the end of the world if I miss deadline, because that is me.  That’s the way I am and I shouldn’t feel guilty about the choices I make. 

The whole point of this blog is to figure out a little bit about myself.  I like to cook.  I like to take photographs.  I like giving people advice about clothes and toys and books even though I have zero qualifications to do so.  I’m never on time.  I’ve got a scatterbrain.  I don’t always use punctuation marks correctly.

I never do the things I say I’m going to do.

And that’s me.  Love it or leave it.

 

List Item #17 August 26, 2010

Filed under: Discovery,Family — housemommy @ 1:44 am

I was recently inspired by my cousin (and dear friend), Nicole, to write a “30 before 30” list–a list of 30 things I wanted to do/see/accomplish before I turned 30 years of age  (to be honest, she was writing a 40 before 40 list, but again, I’m a bit of an underachiever).  My list includes all kinds of things:  Parasailing, rock climbing, travelling around the world…I thought it would be years before I accomplished any of them (I am, after all, notorious for leaving projects unfinished), so imagine my surprise when I got home from vacation this morning and realized I could scratch off not one list item, but TWO!

Let me backtrack: in a very uncharacteristic act of spontaneity, my husband and I decided to pack up the kids and drive to Virginia Beach for a few days (List Item #12)  Go on a road trip).  It was glorious!  The sand, the surf…the ability to walk around in a bikini…

List item #17)  Wear a bikini in public

Now, wearing a bikini may not be such a big deal for most young women in their 20’s, but I have given birth to two children.  Don’t get me wrong–I revel in my body’s ability to produce and sustain life.  I’m a mother, a goddess!  On the other hand, my poor 20-something body has totally trashed by the pregnancies and births of my children.  And by trashed I mean stretch marks, an “accordion” belly, and other horrors that shall not be mentioned here.

When we walked down to the beach I had my swimming suit on, but it was cleverly hidden underneath shorts and a tank top.  I had no intention of removing my clothes, but it’s hot in Virginia in the middle of August!  It’s hot and I have every right to wear whatever I feel like wearing!  I am a mother and a goddess, goddamnit…so off they went. 

And I haven’t felt so liberated in years.

 

Throwing in the Towel August 17, 2010

Filed under: Discovery,Random — housemommy @ 10:09 pm

I never finish anything.

In fact, there’s a half-folded laundry basket of towels sitting on the coffee table in my living room at this very moment.  I quite literally walked away from them so that I could sit down and write this post.  Of course, I hate doing laundry so one might think that is why I found them so easy to walk away from, but I assure you it is not.  In fact, what really drove me to throw in the towel (ha ha) was the thought of this poor forgotten blog just sitting out here in cyberspace completely untouched since June.  JUNE, I tell you!  

The more I thought of the one lonesome post I’ve made to this blog, the more I realized I’ve not only made a pathetic attempt at writing, but I’ve made a pathetic attempt at nearly everything I’ve ever set out to do.

For example, my husband thinks it’s quite funny to ask me how my “oriental living room” is coming.  You see, about six months ago I decided I was going to redo our living room with an Asian theme.  I bought string lights, new curtains, gold and red paint…I was even going to make a mural out of ceramic tile in the form of the Chinese character for “family”.  Guess what?  It never happened.  The string lights sit, dust-covered, in the corner of my office.  The ceramic-tile-character-mural, despite my purchasing all of the materials for it, was never made.

Why? 

It’s a question I’ve asked myself often.  Why do I allow myself to remain the eternal college sophomore?  Why do I have half a dozen half-read books sitting on my shelves?  Why haven’t I contributed to this blog since June?  Why do I find it acceptable to create excuse after excuse for my behavior?

I don’t have an answer.  My husband thinks it’s because I am too easily distracted (I think he might be implying that I’m a bit of a ditz, but he’s too kind to say it), but I think it’s because I’m trying to find myself.  I’m trying to understand who I am as an individual.  Maybe I thought I would like an Asian-themed living room, but I got it home and decided that, despite my undying love for General Tso’s chicken and bamboo, Asian-themed isn’t really my style.

Is this what I want though?  A life full of unfinished projects?

So I’m setting a goal for myself:  I will write at least one post every week for the next six months.  I can do this.  I must do this!  I will not allow my ditziness, my discontent, my whatever, to keep me from accomplishing anything in my life.  I may never finish my degree, but goddamnit I should be able to keep a weekly blog!

A weekly blog…I can do that.  All it takes is baby steps, right?  

Perhaps I should start with the load of towels waiting for me in my Americana living room.

 

Who are you and what do you want? June 18, 2010

Filed under: Discovery — housemommy @ 8:05 pm

For years my husband has been telling me I should write a book, but I’m a bit of an underachiever so I suppose a blog will have to suffice for now.

Who am I? 

I’m a mother. I have two beautiful children–a 17 month-old son and a two month old daughter.  I quit my job as a nanny to stay home with them everyday and while I love watching them learn and grow into little individuals, the bordem of being alone with them on a regular basis is enough to make me want to hitch a ride to Mexico and never come back.

I’m a wife.  I married my high school sweetheart, Steve, on April 1, 2009 at a little courthouse just outside the town we both grew up in.  Firstly, the answer is yes–I was wholly aware at the time that our wedding date would be on  April Fools Day.  I chose that day anyway because I thought it was strangely appropraite for our relationship.  Laughter, I’ve decided, is the key to a successful marriage (but more about my philosophies on relationships later).  Secondly, if you’re clever enough to do the math you’ll realize that if my wedding was in April, I’ve been married for 15 months.  15 month old wedding…17 month old toddler…you see where I’m going with this, yes?  I know pregnancies out of wedlock are so commonplace these days it really shouldn’t matter (thank you Brangelina), but I can’t help myself–I still think it’s funny.  Of course, I grew up attending a very conservative Baptist church, so maybe it’s amusing because this is my one truly legitimate act of rebellion, but I’m getting off track…Where was I?

Oh, yes.  I’m a student.  I began my college career attending Slippery Rock University for Elementary Education, but dropped out after I had my son.  Never one to accept cliches for my life (baby out of wedlock, college dropout, barefoot and pregnant…ugh!), I decided it was of vital importance that I finish my education, even after I realized how much I hated my major.  Allow me to reiterate:  I. Do. Not. Want. To. Teach. Elementary. School.  I have no interest at all whatsoever in spending all day surrounded by young children.  I need something more intellectually stimulating than “In fourteen hundred and nintey-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue!”.  This distaste for my major didn’t keep me from continuing to pursue a degree in Education when I transferred to the University of Phoenix, however.  Why you ask?  Well, mostly because I was half finished with my degree already and I was too lazy to start from scratch again.  What a waste of time and money!  I just want to finish my degree.  To be able to say, “Why yes, I graduated from college even after getting married and having children.”  Graduating is something I need for myself.  Also, when my children are older I don’t want them to look at me and think I’m a big dummy and a failure.  So here I am…five years into it and still plodding along.

The truth is, I lack direction.  I don’t know what my life has in store for me.  I named this blog the Life (and Lack Thereof) of a Modern Housemommy, because I’m really on a mission to find purpose.  I want to wake up and feel excited about my day.  I want to feel like I’m making a difference.  I want passion! 

I also want readers, so I suppose I’ll stop there for now.

So that’s me.  At least, that’s a little bit of me.  I suppose there’s only so much Crista a person can take in one blog entry.  If you’ve kept reading this far, by the way, thanks!  I don’t know if what I’m writing will be of interest to anyone else, but this is mostly an exercise for myself (so keep it to yourself, haters!).  If you decide to take the journey with me, that’s great too.  I hope we all find what we’re looking for…and maybe learn a thing or two in the process.

Welcome aboard!

Crista