I never finish anything.
In fact, there’s a half-folded laundry basket of towels sitting on the coffee table in my living room at this very moment. I quite literally walked away from them so that I could sit down and write this post. Of course, I hate doing laundry so one might think that is why I found them so easy to walk away from, but I assure you it is not. In fact, what really drove me to throw in the towel (ha ha) was the thought of this poor forgotten blog just sitting out here in cyberspace completely untouched since June. JUNE, I tell you!
The more I thought of the one lonesome post I’ve made to this blog, the more I realized I’ve not only made a pathetic attempt at writing, but I’ve made a pathetic attempt at nearly everything I’ve ever set out to do.
For example, my husband thinks it’s quite funny to ask me how my “oriental living room” is coming. You see, about six months ago I decided I was going to redo our living room with an Asian theme. I bought string lights, new curtains, gold and red paint…I was even going to make a mural out of ceramic tile in the form of the Chinese character for “family”. Guess what? It never happened. The string lights sit, dust-covered, in the corner of my office. The ceramic-tile-character-mural, despite my purchasing all of the materials for it, was never made.
It’s a question I’ve asked myself often. Why do I allow myself to remain the eternal college sophomore? Why do I have half a dozen half-read books sitting on my shelves? Why haven’t I contributed to this blog since June? Why do I find it acceptable to create excuse after excuse for my behavior?
I don’t have an answer. My husband thinks it’s because I am too easily distracted (I think he might be implying that I’m a bit of a ditz, but he’s too kind to say it), but I think it’s because I’m trying to find myself. I’m trying to understand who I am as an individual. Maybe I thought I would like an Asian-themed living room, but I got it home and decided that, despite my undying love for General Tso’s chicken and bamboo, Asian-themed isn’t really my style.
Is this what I want though? A life full of unfinished projects?
So I’m setting a goal for myself: I will write at least one post every week for the next six months. I can do this. I must do this! I will not allow my ditziness, my discontent, my whatever, to keep me from accomplishing anything in my life. I may never finish my degree, but goddamnit I should be able to keep a weekly blog!
A weekly blog…I can do that. All it takes is baby steps, right?
Perhaps I should start with the load of towels waiting for me in my Americana living room.